I was one of those women who needed protecting, but in my day no one would get involved. Police would say sorry it’s a domestic. They could only step in if I was put into hospital by him. WRONG. We need to be protected. Why do men think they have the right to beat us up? THEY DON'T. If I hit someone I would be arrested, so why do they get away with it?
JD O DubhGhall
As one who has witnessed domestic violence in his youth and has prevented it lately as well as offered women’s self-defense courses, I want to say that bullies who hurt women should receive no protective custody rights, they should learn what it feels like to be bullied by real men who look down upon such controlling and ungentlemanly acts. A true gentleman does not seek violence to control those who are weaker than them and a true gentleman is strong enough inside to know when to walk away.
I also must say that those who are accused of beating women should be tried fairly as some women are dishonest creeps who will use pity as revenge. True justice must always be sought.... now if a woman is a trained assassin, literally a lethal weapon and she is attacking me with a gun or sword or something, that is another story ;p 1 luv
Tamera Briggs Parker
As a survivor of DV it's not an option to not sign.... Just had my 15 or 16 reconstructive surgery a few days ago. I never thought I'd still be having surgeries 7 1/2 yrs later. But the BIG thing here is I am alive to spread the word... and so many poor women don't have that option b/c they are DEAD. So I believe we survivors and other supporters have to do it for them... I try to go into schools as well b/c kids live what they learn... and they need to know DV is NOT ok.
As a victim and survivor of domestic violence it is sad to say that so many people still turn a blind eye to this. It's not just your average Joe that turns his head, it is the politicians and the law enforcement agencies also. The abusers are committing crimes and getting away with it. They should be in jail with all the other criminals.
Hi Bill, My Story Not Sure Where To Begin I Am A Survivor and I Am Stronger Than I Dreamed
I Ever Could Be! I was Married For 7 Years To A Retired Golden Glove Boxer He Worked In Boston Mass doing Security For Bad Parts Of Boston When I Met Him I Was A Small Town Girl Had 2 Children And Going Through A Divorce He turned Into A real Sick Man , He Became A Major Drug Dealer I Was Locked In A Room With A Man Outside My Door To Bring Me To The Bathroom And Back , He Would beat me so bad the more I screamed the Harder He Hit The Local Police Could Not Stop The drug Dealing's Fire arms, and tobacco raided the house 3 times he went to jail for 6 months I found Out I was pregnant With my youngest son Chris He Was Released and I Remember On Thanks Giving I Was Hungry My Baby needed Food Instead I Got A Broken Nose and The Good Old Saying As He Carried Me Up To bed Why Did You Make Me Do That ? Feeling guilty he today is still messed up but our Son Chris Is an Awesome Kid. Bill I Have So Much To Share to give Woman Hope It Goes On and on!! The Last One Beat me And Got A Restraining order on Me Because I Was Disturbing The New Room Mates He Was High On Drugs I Was In The Bath And He Ran In jumped Behind Me picked me up between the Legs And Threw Me Out In day Light People Watching As I screamed For Help Not One Helped I Got away He is In Jail Now Not For abuse On me Because I could Not Hurt Him ( I Loved Him ) How Stupid Was I . Well I Have More Police records and restraining orders and hospital records dating back to 1988 I am Now 46 and Starting Over. I Need To Help Some How Find A Way To Help Raise Money For shelters I was Being Raped and Beaten by Gun Point In front Of 4 Men Who tried to Stop this animal the swat team came I was Hiding under Dirty Laundry In a Part Of The house came Out side and The Police Ordered Me to The Ground I Just Sat There Frozen I have Been Scared Many Time's In my Life But No Man I Am Embarrassed To Even Say What Happened but I need To ,I Wet My Pants This Man Was so Bad . I Believe He Is Also In Jail Today Because (GOD SEE"S ALL!)And he knows my heart is a loving and caring one. I tried To Seceded Once Taken My life No Way out No one Cared and No home to go to. So many Stories and scars left behind They Are Healing, my Life Today Is A Thousand Times Better I was Homeless for a long time no room in the shelters in mass and new Hampshire I Lived In my Van And Had Was Forced To Make A Choice The streets and cold or go Back To My Abuser No One should Ever Feel That Way And So Alone. My Name Is Jane Mansfield I Am Not Ashamed any More I Am More Amazed And God Has Work For Me I Am Not Sure What But This Is Where My Passion lives . I Am In A healthy Relationship today A Year and Half I am Happy Inside for The first Time In my life He Is My Protector Not Someone I need Protecting from.
There is So Much More, But I Hope It is Ok to Ask Why Are You So Passionate about this Problem I am Grateful! It affected my children my mother, ext. . . I Have My Voice back if anyone needs me I would ‘Be honored to help save a Life.’ Thank You Bill
I am a survivor- no longer a victim. I give thanks to my daughter for saving my life from a man that tried to kill me. Thanks to both my kids for trying to help me see the light. I had to sneak off to a domestic violence meeting but was the best thing for me. I saw the pattern-the vicious violent circle written on the wall at a meeting and it was like I finally saw the light. I knew that was my life and I knew I wanted out. I took a stand for myself, I got a restraining order against him, divorced him and put him in jail 5 times. I met a wonderful man not long after that and i covered my trail and moved away. I have been married for 12 yrs. now and no sign of the crazy man. It wasn't easy but i did it and I am proud to say I DiD IT--I SURVIVED. I finally can breathe and live again. You can do it too. I disagree with Vanessa Raroa--We are not weak, those men are weak which is why they have to dominate their women. Rise up-be strong-be a survivor!
I consider myself an educated woman, and yet....I was in an abusive relationship for eight years, Emotional, mental, physical, spiritual and financial. He walked right of our home two weeks before Christmas. He left me to pick up the pieces of the lives he destroyed, including our traumatized and terrified animals. He currently walks freely around our town, partying it up, drinking and spending money freely. He has not offered a cent maintenance toward the wife he deserted, and to add insult to injury, he talks to any and everyone who will listen to how HE was victimized, bullied and abused. It is complete and utter rubbish. I feel so sorry for the next woman who falls prey to the predator. He's charming, fun and gentle. That is until he has what he wants....Then the true monster emerges.....Moody, sullen, volatile and beyond any nightmare I could imagine. He has been in four previous relationships, and I was stupid enough to believe him when he said he had just had 'bad luck' in relationships, with ALL four women. He labeled them psychotic, alcoholic, promiscuous, and 'in love with their ex-husbands/boyfriends, etc....I actually believed him..
I have now been labeled the in exactly the same way he discusses his previous relationships. This man is a danger to all women out there, and he has been getting away with abusive behavior for years. Here's hoping women get together and start insisting on protection from men who all too frequently use the very law that is supposed to protect women from men like this. Unless violence against women and children is dealt with in a serious light by the law of the land, and men are held accountable for their deeds, I see no hope for women like me. I pray that organizations such as yours will help determine the future of victims for the better...
I was once hit my ex whom i was in love with. had never been in love before, he was the only 1 (until now) yea i admit, he was a little older than me so with that being said, we both wanted different things as he had his life to have and experience the things i wanted. we grew apart from each other till i went up to him asked where we were going with this as it was hard to even ask for a cuddle, he would just say.. Nah, I’m comfy here. He was a bit tired when I wanted to talk so he told me to go away but the persistent me didn’t want to go until I had the answers i needed as he seemed to be always tired when I brought it up. he seemed to always treat me like shit then suck me back in. because I hadn't left, he pushed me off the bed then got out of bed himself to grab me by the arm and drag me, i grabbed on to the door frame, he then whacked my head into the floor then onto the wall. i was crying as being scared, hurt, and confused. i then wanted to hurt him back by saying i was going to tell the police about the diesel he kept stealing, so he went outside to hide it. He grabbed this huge diesel tank he had stolen and attached it to his 4wd so i jumped in and looked the doors so he couldn't take off with it. So he grabbed a hammer and whacked the car window with it, i screamed and hoped in the driver’s seat. He broke the window then put his arm through to unlock it, he pulled me out with his hand around my throat then slammed me to the ground. i couldn’t move or breath for a few seconds. He’s standing over me saying, get up or ill hurt u again. With that few breaths i just got back i said i can’t move so he held out his hand. i then took off down the street and called the cops. i waited till the police got to the house before i walked back. When i got there he had left, to finish hiding the diesel. The police saw dirt and a bit of blood on my uniform top. i had to wait in the police station for hours until my mum came and got me. She was in Christchurch and i was in Ashburton at the time. The police said i had to leave my job and leave Ashburton, said i wasn’t save their and that he could of killed me. He must have had a bad record. i enjoyed my job at countdown. i blamed myself for what happened for a while, i said to myself, if only i had let him sleep then none of this would of happened. But, no more. i am now in love again, 2ed time ever. I’ve loved but not in love until now, i can love again and not get hurt and i love him to bits. We will never hit me for he is no coward. i know what happened to me isn't as bad as most people but i still wanted to tell me story. i haven't told my story in a while and it feels good. i will never let it happen to me again. I’ve tried to be stronger about it. So, GARRY WALKER, you have no chance against me now!!!!!!
Mary Ellen Gainer I am happy to see all these sites about Domestic Violence!! My violence started approximately 2002, and by 2005, I was in ICU for 8 days my family wondering if i would live after major Craniotomy I had both a Chronic and Acute Subdural Hematoma, that filled all 4 quadrients of the left side of my brain. It squashed my brain down to the top of my left ear, and down to my left eyebrow and all the way to the back of my head the same. It had been in my head 2 months, after I was beaten. My life is no longer the same, I cannot let this go! The justice system failed me horribly, by not notifying me of his plea hearing through the mail as required by law. I never had my day in court. All that know I suffered a major head trauma , have either used it against me for their on personal gain, or simply to use it to hurt me more. Post-traumatic stress disorder plays a major role in my life. This has destroyed my life! I am still searching for help or group counseling. I was beaten over many years, the abuse seems never to end. Family members don't fully understand and cast you out! I am alive, but I am not happy. Vanessa Hello Bill, I want to write about my story of my abuse that started at age 6, by an uncle that wasn't an uncle yet, then as I grew up as a teenager, thinking this all would end it didn't. I was again abused as a woman, raped and beaten by a husband of 12 years. As I thought I was free, I was raped more times when I was divorced, by men just trying to survive and take care of two daughters. Then the care of my son, I was raped as he grew up. I don't think many persons know all this, except counselors, Psychiatrists, clergy men and women. Friends online and not many face to face know all this about me. I am glad to have joined the cause and attended college to learn to write. Write as I always have in journals, diaries, paper and now in essays, computer, blogs, journals etc. I write from my heart and my soul. I hope to help others avoid what I seem to see called red flags. I am born with Psychic abilities, but the man that ended up being my uncle caused me to drift away from my life plan and abilities. Then at age 6 I was constantly abused in my path. I didn't know how to defend and care for myself. In a way Jesus the angels, spirits and deceased have helped me along this rocky journey... God bless I will write it all. Love, Light and Happiness. Lt Richard B Lilly, USNR-Ret I have had this opinion for all my life. Those who are weak in spirit and mind prey upon those they think they can control whether it is a spouse, child or an animal. All I can say here is that Jerry was a lucky man to have had you. He was so rich and didn't even realize it. He had a loving wife and two son's. I'd give any amount of money for that!!! He threw it all away because of his inner hatred and insecurity. God Bless you. I'd be honored to have what he had.
Thanks to you, Bill-healingwings, I have come to a place where can be all of who I am, my life was changed by things that happened years ago, yet as we all know...it stays with us, I was blessed to be able to walk on, because I poured what I needed into others’ lives...I've lost many a friend, precious souls I met in a clinic, they could not take the "outside world"..nobody here has the platform you created for many in the USA. So , for the first time; thoughts and my life on paper...can live out here... A special word to all who accept even me...whose been hiding for years. But through their stories I know the feelings and emotions, the path of coping and healing..
.Thank you all. Blessings Bill,
love & hugs
From:South Africa I lived in several abusive relationships. Now , I have a daughter with 3 daughters of her own living in one. She was not born when I was in the bad relationships. Her dad and I have a very good relationship. He is far from being abusive. We have been together for over 30 years. I don't know what to do . She is almost 30. Her husband abuses drugs, he abuses her, he cheats on her, lies to her, fights with her in front of the kids, does not provide, leaves for days or weeks and then he threatens to hurt himself if she doesnt take him back. Or he blames her for it all. We have taken her in with us and he attacks us. We have paid all her bills for months only to find out he has sneaked back in. Now we are doing nothing but I am scared for her. I like your web site. I was able to walk away from the abuse I suffered and I almost died , I just don't understand why she is not able to do so when we are here to catch her. why ? From:Oklahoma
I thank God for this website! In the year or so since I joined I have watched it grow, made some real friends who understand where I came from. But most importantly I know I am no longer a victim now or ever again!!! A special thanks to Bill whom I consider a real man as well as a real friend. Having Bill as a mediator of this site was important to me because I watched everything he posted and just waited for him to slip, but guess what...he never did, thus helping me to trust a man again.
No longer a victim,
God must have a plan for me. I open my inbox tonight to find this e-mail waiting for me. Maybe this is a sign from him. I just left an abusive six year relationship with someone. And now I am trying to figure out how to start all over again. This man is mean in all forms. Maybe this is his way of telling me that I need some help and had no place to really turn.
thank you and God Bless!! From:Ramona Seventy years ago my Grandpa taught me a life-lesson that has stayed with me ever since. "There's only one way to fight a woman," he said, "and that's with your hat. You put it on your head -- and go." He didn't say to keep going or to come back, but he always came back. From:Honey Island, Texas Chris Franklin Never give up hope and keep winning, one day and one step at a time. From:Brisbane, QLD, Australia Aida Thank you for taking them time to listen and help. Keep up the good work From:Indiana Tonya Bill! YOU have done a wonderful Job on the SITE... YOU should be very PROUD!!!! it is very Informative...! Thanks for what you are doing to make ABUSE known that it HAS TO STOP! Admiring you from afar, Tonya From:Native Texan Living in Southern Ontario Canada
Bill from Pennsylvania
I don't know if my story is worth telling, but I am a survivor of Childhood Sex Abuse and Adult Sexual Abuse when in the military. I've been through a number of suicide attempts and am getting counseling through the VA in Erie, PA.
I am a father of two great young adult kids and a wonderful wife.
My abuser is a uncle/cousin. My grandfather divorced my grandmother and married her sister who had a number of children from previous marriage, making my mom's cousin now her step-brother (or something like that). It turns out that many family members (aunts, uncles, cousins) were molested by an Uncle (not the one who molested me, but one of his victims), including my mom. She called me names when it happens. It was only when she turned forty that I found out about the sexual abuse in her life at the hands of her uncle and mother.
I had joined the navy, hoping to prove my manhood, when I allowed a new shipmate to crash in my room. We both had been drinking and had just dropped off my girlfriend. My roommates were gone so there were two extra racks for him to sleep. Next thing I know, I am being raped, it brought back memories of my youth.
Besides the suicide attempts, depression and PTSD, it has also been the cause of seizures in my life and when I turned 48, my life was turned upside down. But I say now that when I last attempted was the day I started living. I am coming to believe that it's not my fault, I can forgive myself and learn to forgive my Uncle and my shipmate (for whom I didn't even know his name.
I did serve as a Community Based Mental Retardation Sex Offender Case Manager in my county and worked across the Commonwealth with Academics, Law Enforcement, Caseworkers, Counselors, Probation Officers and the Courts and Prison Officials on how to handle MR Sex Offenders.
I was in a very abusive relationship. He beat me and his own Mother. He abducted me and beat me for hours with fists and steel toed boots. He fractured my vertebrae, left me with permanent wounds physical, mental and emotional wounds. He would try to throw me from moving vehicles. When he had friends over he would lock me up in his bedroom and wouldn't let me out. He accused me of sleeping with everyman, my Dad, neighbors, Uncles, and friends. He threatened to set my Mom's car on fire with her and my nephew in it. I week later he followed thru but thank God they weren't hurt. When I finally found the courage to get out, I attained a restraining order but he walked right thru it and continued to stalk me, beat me, and the police always said they had to catch him in the act. 4 days after my 18th BD I left home not knowing what I'd do but I needed to survive.
Five years ago I had Cancer, during that time my husband was cruel and abusive, often drunk and couldn’t find his way home when he did it was cold & nasty. I was too sick to go, nor was anyone around to help me so I stayed. Today when he doesn’t get his way he is still physical with me. He finally said we are over but he won’t leave nor does he speak a word. It is frightening but I know God has always been with me and will continue to be. From all the abuse I have endured I don’t trust, have long bouts of depression and a multitude of health problems because of what these people have done. If my story can save another innocent woman from a life of hell I will tell it over and over again! The healing journey takes a lifetime but a road worth traveling. God Bless your Good Works!!!
I was attacked by my husband in 2005. We were at a party at his boss's house and had both been drinking. He wanted me to drive and I refused. His boss called a cab and paid for it. We weren't a block out of the driveway before I found myself on the floor of the cab and him beating on me. The cab was a van. When the cab driver tried to call for help on his radio, my husband ripped out the dash. He is (was) a big guy. I was recovering from a total knee replacement which was damaged during the assault. I also suffered a broken nose with lacerations which required stitches and two surgeries to straighten. I had two surgeries also on my knee replacement. I also had a fractured elbow. The cab driver, instead of taking us home, drove around the police and fire dept. till he got noticed and stopped by police. (Which was just a few blocks from where I lived). It took officer's three attempts to pull him off me as he was beating my face into the tracks of the van door. Needless to say, I divorced him while he sat in jail waiting for trail as he pleaded not guilty. I felt like I was on trial when I was on the witness stand. The jury found him guilty and he was sentenced to 6 1/2 years in prison for two measure 11 assaults. He gets out 3/12/2012. His boss has offered him his job back when he gets out. He was repairing appliances in private homes. I live in, Oregon. If in any way my story can help someone I would be happy .